Marriage Tips Every Wife Needs To Master To Make The Relationship Work

No one said married life is going to be easy nor there are secret passages or shortcuts to make each journey totally easy and convenient. In my effort to grow more in love and still hold on to our vows (despite this and that), I've come across this beautiful blog post which I intend to share with you all. 

Thank God, am still holding on and praise Him everyday for always blessing me and my spouse the strength, love, and most of all, faith that we need to cherish our "I do's".

1. Respect your husband.

Notice how it doesn't say "Respect your husband if he has earned it." A man's greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife. The trap that we've all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone.

2. Guard your heart.

The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don't have the best of the best, but it's simply not true. Live the life you've been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough. There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you'll never be satisfied with more until you're fulfilled with what you have now.

3. God, husband, kids … in that order.

I know this isn't a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It's no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you're married to someone who is abusive (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my article can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That's not what this means.

4. Forgive.

No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter) – you will keep resentment from growing.

5. Over-communicate.

I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard "You should know why I'm mad" game, and that's just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON'T always know that they've been insensitive. I'm still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I'm trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.

6. Schedule a regular date night.

This one isn't new, but it's very important. Never stop dating your spouse. Even if you can't afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don't talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.

7. Never say the "I'd quit, it's over!"

If you're gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening separation or annulment is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I'm not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.

8. Learn his love language.

Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.

9. Never talk negatively about him.

I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you're going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn't subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you're close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective. News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!

10. Choose to love.

There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don't say "if you have bad times." They say "in good times AND in bad," implying that there WILL be bad times. It's inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He's worth it.

This article was originally published on Karen Lodato's blog, Eighth Rising. Cheers, Ms Karen!

Karen Lodato has experienced a second chance at 'happily ever after' after recovering from divorce. She writes about her faith, experiences in a new blended family, and navigating remarriage on her blog.

These Are the Things Wives Need To Know, Hear And Feel

Appreciation In Marriages

One of the greatest sources of discord in the early days of marriage is associated with lack of what the wife calls "appreciation" in the husband.

The average man is a busy person with his share of life's responsibilities and demands upon his time. If he has married the girl he loves and is not of the analytical and hypercritical type, he is generally perfectly satisfied with his life-partner. Perhaps he omits to tell her so at regular periodic intervals, as if he meant it, and it takes a very clever woman to be satisfied with quiet appreciation without demanding verbal expression of her husband's feelings.

Most wives, especially most young wives, delude themselves with the idea that it is the man who talks most about his affection who is the most desirable husband.

The Secret of Married Happiness

They want what they call "appreciation," and the man who gives this to his wife easily, gracefully, and in abundance is wise (and probably admired and dreamed of) in his generation. The converse is also true. It is the appreciative wife who keeps her husband's affection when her hair is turning gray and her figure has lost for all time its girlish outline. It is the wife who can judiciously convey the impression that she appreciates a husband's best qualities who brings out the best in a man.

In one sense, appreciation is the secret of married happiness, because behind this quality lies an immense amount of tact, understanding, and unselfishness. There is no doubt that human nature tends to depreciate what it has already gained, to get accustomed to the possession of what has at one time seemed ideal.

The greatest joy of the newly engaged girl lies in the fact that she is keenly, enthusiastically, and sensitively "appreciated." The man who is honestly in love discerns qualities in a girl which the rest of the World may not perceive, but which are there all the same.

The Divine Spark



Deep down in every one of us there are possibilities, latent qualities for great deeds and high thoughts of which the world has no conception. Love sometimes brings them out, and the commonplace man displays unexpected capacity in consequence. In the same way, the woman who is capable of an absorbing and unselfish love has the best in her brought out at that time.

The divine spark that is in everyone burns brightly for the time being at least. She receives for the first time appreciation from the one person in the world who counts. This appreciation is like a stimulant, an incentive. Alas! so long as human nature is what it is, it does not endure, and if a woman's sense of humor and understanding fails at this juncture, disillusionment will probably result.

It is the wife who is exacting when the ardent lover emerges into the everyday man, who nags her husband into ill-humor. The woman who has a sense of perspective knows only too well that the first ecstasy and ardor of love inevitably settles down into everyday affection, comradeship, and domestic love.

By useless brooding and resentment over the inevitable, discord will arise, and the barque of matrimony will sail into troubled seas. Tact and unselfishness are the only qualities which will steer it safely beyond the rocks, and these include the quality of appreciation.

The Power of Appreciation

The wise wife cultivates the power of appreciating the good qualities her husband possesses and lets him realize that she does. It is the weak woman who nags a man when the first ecstasy of love begins to subside into quiet acceptance and renewed interest in work and everyday affairs.

At the same time, the Woman who has studied the art of appreciation can do almost anything she likes with her life-partner. If he is punctual, orderly, and reliable, she will cultivate the same qualities, and thus save the inevitable jars that the unpunctual woman prepares for herself when she is invariably five minutes too late. She will not ask the impossible from him, and will see that the busy man absorbed in working for her cannot be expected to remember to tell her that his affection is unchanged perhaps three times a day.

The man who is apparently not affectionate by nature may hide a capacity for strong love under his silence and undemonstrativeness.

There are men, and these are not invariably the best of their sex, who have the art of pleasing women in little things. Small courtesies, little kindnesses, and thoughtfulness may mean much to the woman who has no absorbing interest to take up her thoughts. She will forgive a great deal in the husband who remembers to inquire for her headache, who plans a treat for Saturday, and brings an occasional bunch of white roses home in the evening.

But there are many types of men, and the wife who has married the undemonstrative type is only making unhappiness in the home when she expects him to display the qualities which are not part of his nature. He may have far deeper and better traits. He may be more faithful, more trustworthy, although he is not naturally sympathetic in trifles and incapable of realizing a woman's point of view.

The great need of most women's lives is affection, and the husband who can give the wife the small tokens of affection, the signs of appreciation, makes life's journey smoother for himself in consequence.

Flattery is not Appreciation

Everybody loves appreciation. Those who realize this fact can get almost anything out of people that they wish. Appreciation is not flattery, which is a less powerful weapon because it is insincere and false in so many instances. Appreciation simply means the power of realizing the good, the kindness, the ability, and capacity in others.

We all know that we work far more for those who appreciate what we do for them. Appreciation brings out better service, finer work from the individual who gets it. Tempered with judicious criticism, it is the most educative factor in daily life. The wife who knows how to appreciate the good qualities can afford gently to criticize and point out where there is room for improvement.

But appreciation requires verbal expression in most instances. The majority of husbands know very well that their wives are unselfish and thoughtful on their behalf. Most wives realize that the average husband is a good-hearted, hard-working individual, anxious to do his best for his wife and their family.

Married Happiness

The woman who wishes to be happy must never allow selfish, depressing thoughts to absorb her. She must cultivate the power of appreciating the good qualities of other people and especially of her nearest and dearest. Petty criticism and resentment of qualities she dislikes brings out not the best but the worst in the husband. In this world we get what we give. If we give kindness and appreciation to others, they somehow come back to us. Particularly, this is also true in married life.

The wise women, the clever women especially, if they have a sense of humor, make the best of their husbands and their marriage. They realize that a little disillusionment comes to every one of us, and that very often it is due to some fault in ourselves. Too many women let themselves drift into a morass of discontent and disappointment simply because they do not appreciate the great amount of good that is in their lives and turn it to account.

Every woman can be happy if she likes, especially if she has a husband and child to work and think for. Happiness, like all the other good things of this life, has to be cultivated and earned. Mutual appreciation is an important factor, and if husbands also would realize what an enormous difference to the happiness of the wife appreciation and small attentions make, a condition of affairs somewhat approaching the ideal would result.

After the first mysterious glamor has worn off, marriage must inevitably descend from the realms of glorified idealism to those of prosaic common-sense; it is merely a change of state. That change of state, however, for always may remain ideal, as ideal as it was when first contracted, but it will not do so if left unaided.

Mankind is frail and mortal, fretful and petty, and these, his characteristic traits, are the bitterest foes of married happiness. But the gift of mutual appreciation is a force - perhaps it is the only force - strong enough to grapple with and overcome these enemies.

Acknowledgment: Chest of Books Dot Com - Thanks to this Post! =)

Mai: Yes, daddy! I know you perfectly love me. But I still need to hear it sometimes. Let us talk about "us" - reminiscing happy and sweet moments, rekindling wedding vows. I love you.

Though I am so thankful that we're taking it one step at a time - thanks for that sweet date last Sunday. It's a good start, I should know. =)
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♥♥♥ Mommy Mai ♥♥♥

Must-Read for Long-Term Couples: Wake-Up Call to All of Us

This is what some couples fail to see or realize. 

I came across this post from facebook and it's worthy reading... such a wake-up call. 
#MarriageTips #RelationshipIssues

Fox Garcia

September 28 at 9:17am


After the years have passed, it all disappears.

After how many years, the spark will go. The reasons why you loved the other person will be unknown. The butterflies in your stomach will soon disappear. You will forget why you liked that person in the first place. You'll start to see all the wrong and the ugly you chose to look blindly in your beginnings. Now, going home to each other's arms is not as exciting to look forward to as before. Cuddling and those exchange of sweet words become rare and all the fighting will take over.

Sex will become less and less. You'll be shocked that one day, those nights and hours you spend in sex will now be spent in silence and arguments. You'd rather cover your partner up rather than take their clothes off. Appreciation goes less and less too. You have to accept that.

This is the sad reality of long term relationships.

You become familiar with each other rather than staying "in love" with each other. You become more of friends rather than lovers. This is the stage where you choose, is being with this person worth it anymore? Are the fights worth it or is it easier to just get out and leave? Some couples make it, some don't. Why? Because they all made the choice some didn't make. They chose to stay, maybe because of some strong roots or maybe because they don't want to start again.

I once came across someone who has been married for 30 years. I asked her, "did you ever caught your husband cheat?" She said, "ofcourse, it is normal. After some time you'll just get used to it and think that the most important thing will be that he goes home to you every night." That is how their relationship worked for so many years. But isn't it sad? To be used to some habits that die hard? Well if that's their case, I respect that. I also came across a man who has been married for 10 years and decided to end it after he caught his ex wife cheating. I asked, how come you ended it when others would just forgive? He said "a man's ego will always be there. Maybe the double standards of the society added factors or maybe I realized she wasn't worth it anymore." It was a sad ending but hey, he's happier now with someone and I guess it all comes down to one vital thing, happiness.

"Don't sleep mad at each other" -- one of the lines I always hear from commercials, blogs and the likes but I tell you this. Sometimes sleeping off an argument is better rather than facing it while everything is hot. You respect each other enough that when they're not ready, you give them space to think things through. You don't need to fix it outright. Sometimes it causes more damage. Time out is also good for each other. Time out to think and meditate not time out to go message other people and flirt!

The society has so much influenced us that having a long term relationship is easy, just forgive and forget and it's done. Road to forever! But that's not it. There will be a lot of unspoken words, a lot of unnecessary words thrown at you, and a lot of pride and changes to adapt to. Being in a road to a long term relationship is good but never forget to not lose yourself while in it. Be with a person who will not mind if you get fat or your skin sags or you lose the beauty that once made him fall for you, after all you are not a timeless beauty. Make sure that you're in that road with someone who will be worth your love, pain and anger, worth your time and effort and most of all, worth of that kindness your heart has yet to unleash.

-feel free to share. 

This Too Shall Pass

When praying is the only thing I can do... I close my eyes and spend my happiest moments with the Lord. I know, this too shall pass. God is with me and I can bear all things through Him. 

May He give me strength to overcome the pains and take away all doubts. 

Making My Marriage Last a Lifetime

Dad, Mom, Eieo and Eiea

I love him. He loves me. We've got love. But is that really enough? Love is so powerful that yes, it could move mountains. We have love and we're willing to stick together to keep this marriage alive, burning and kicking. We'll do whatever it takes - just to grow old together and to keep our vows of a lifetime commitment.

Yes, our isn't perfect and I know it won't ever be. But I know I am so blessed for having my hubby as he has loved me all his life though he isn't that expressive and showy about it. He has his own little ways of making me feel loved ; he has shown and taught me love differently. Now that I understand his language of love, I have been trying my best to read between the lines and appreciate all his actions and gestures towards me and our family. 

I have been married to my dearest hubby for more than six years now and yes, it has been a bumpy ride. We've got ups and downs (limited only to petty quarrels and misunderstandings) which I believe are just normal and part of discovering life and marriage. I am very thankful for not having big issues and problems with him (I just didn't know is he has on me, I hope none either). I am still very grateful to GOD for blessing me with a husband whose heart is as big and as good as what I have prayed for. 

We have differences; we've even have some gaps and misunderstanding at times but that could never be a reason to keep us apart and lose this great feeling, love. I could never imagine how life would be without him. I always pray to live a longer and happier life with him on my side as whenever I see our hands together, I feel overwhelmed, blessed and fulfilled. Holding hands - priceless. 

Having Eieo in our life has made our life better and a lot happier. And I think, when we finally have Eiea in God's time, life would be at its best, the happiest ever. Yes, love is enough to keep us together and make us stick to this lifetime commitment. 

And I'll make this marriage last forever. How? I'll do whatever it takes just to get pregnant again; we'll be working our way to have another blessing. With fingers crossed, we will have Eiea soon. I believe and I pray. 

Hugs and Kisses,

Mommy Mai

Learning from My Lifetime Partner

What My Husband Has Taught Me

The sweetest “I love you” is felt. It’s even sweeter than the ones being heard.

All things happen for a reason - even if you have no idea what that reason is at the time. Tests of faith are indeed blessings from Him.

You can be better or bitter. Get that positive outlook at all times.

Life is a choice - as is how you handle the pitfalls along its bumpy road.

Always be happy so you can have the guts to make other people happy. You have to decide or choose to be happy.

Sometimes genuine happiness is found at home.

Learn how to say no and never feel guilty.

Accept what you cannot change.

I’ve just realized that I have learned a lot from him. I just hope he also has learned a lot from me.

And I know there is a lot more to come.

Getting married for four years and so much in love more than eight years, hubby and I do not live a perfect married life. We have our own ups and downs, petty quarrels, arguments, misunderstandings, pillow fights, and the like. Though these circumstances do not happen often, we always manage to settle things out or just have it passed by without even saying sorry or anything.

On the brighter side, we believe that after each usual “tampuhan” between a husband and a wife, we tend to be more in love with each other.

And yes, I would always love to wake up each morning with him and our kid/s at my side. Nothing beats the kind of happiness I feel every time I see my loved ones – families, relatives and friends around me.

I will forever look forward to a new morning with you, Dad. As we grow old together, I pray that we live longer, happier and healthier to face each morning – side by side, holding hands.

This is indeed a lifetime for you and me. We’ll grow old together because the best is yet to come.

♥♥♥ Mai Raine ♥♥♥

Common Marital Problems - Your Own Checklist

Do a Self-Check Today Before It's Too Late and Be Sorry.

You may seem unaware that you and your better half's marriage is somehow or maybe totally on the rocks. Whether you're so certain or not, you have to make efforts to save it and deal with it at the soonest time possible. Otherwise, it can lead into something that you both never expect or want to happen.

With that in mind, I researched on some issues or conflicts that may occur in marriages and may probably test the love, trust, respect and all between married couples. And I'd like to share them with you. Well, here's my checklist:

Save a Marriage Dot Com:

COMMUNICATION

The most commonly reported relationship problem by far is communication. This may be one of the broadest and most difficult terms to define with regard to relationships. It tends to have many different meanings to each of us. For the purposes of this explanation I define it as "Mis-Understanding".

Literally, this means not understanding the other person's point of view. This is often more a matter of refusing to allow the existence of the other's view as opposed to not understanding it! It is an unwillingness to take the time to genuinely listen and care to understand.

In many relationships the interest seems to lie primarily in getting one's own point of view heard and understood rather than having an interest in hearing and understanding the others’. There is an irony here worth looking at . . . If people cared to listen to the other person with as much interest as he or she wished the other would listen to them, both would end up receiving exactly what they are looking for!

To truly know another, we must be willing to see the world through their eyes, not simply our own. If we listened as well as we spoke, really connecting would take care of itself . . .

SEX AND INTIMACY

This topic is so huge and complex an area that I can only give the briefest of introductions in this format. Sex is one of the most common areas of conflict in many relationships, but make no mistake, it does not stand alone. Ruling out any physical or medical causes of difficulty, it is usually in some way a reflection of whatever state the relationship is in. For instance, if communications have become hostile and withholding (for punishment or defense purposes) that hostility manifests itself sexually as well. Often this is one of the natural outcomes of what I talked about in "Unfulfilled Expectations".

Chronic disappointment and dashed expectations can manifest in a serious loss of intimacy in a relationship. Not being able to identify what the expectations are, no less clear them up, makes matters even worse. If there is a lack of intimacy with regard to the basic friendship in the relationship, it is also expressed (or not!) in some manner in the bedroom.

To further complicate matters, as rule sexual interactions mean something different to men than they do to women. Women like to feel emotionally connected before they become physically connected. Men, on the other hand, often use sexual activity to get connected in the first place. (It's a cruel joke of the universe I think). Ever notice how much more he talks and listens after lovemaking? There's no coincidence there, ladies. And guys, ever notice how much more interested she is in sex after you've offered her some "real listening time" about something she really cares about? No coincidence there either.

The main issue here is that it is a mistake to hold your partner responsible for your needs. Rather, you would do better to look at how desirable you've made yourself to your partner with your own behavior and attitudes.

If your sex life is in need of a tune-up, chances are your relationship needs tuning first.

RESENTMENTS

Resentments are the number one killer of all relationships. They are a slow poison, undermining the love, trust and mutual respect you may have once had with each other. It is critical in the treatment of relationships to uncover these often unknown or unspoken resentments. Each person is then responsible for discovering the part they played in the creation of these resentments along with what they can do to improve themselves. The focus is not on how the other person needs to change, but rather on what you can do to change yourself to bring something better to the party. No blaming, just self-responsibility. It's always a dance of two, never just of one.

Resentments crop up quickly as communication dwindles, expectations are not met and old hurts (many of them from the early years) begin to get "triggered" by relationship issues in the present. This is an incredibly common, yet generally unknown source of pain in marriages. Triggers are current experiences that bear a resemblance to ways in which you've been hurt, abandoned or treated stemming from the past. They are often not consciously connected to what's happening in your present relationship, but when they are shown to you, they are clear to be seen.

An example would be when your partner takes a tone with you that is reminiscent of an important adult from your childhood, who was responsible for creating pain for you. Sometimes we have to think long and hard in order to make these connections. A red flag that this is what's occurring is that you are perceived to be overreacting to whatever is happening in the present . . . sound familiar?

Resentments often build as a direct result of a person's inability to communicate their needs and/or take responsibility for them in the first place. Resentments lead directly to loss of respect for the other person. Loss of respect leads to sexual problems, more bad feelings, blame and distancing. Isn't it fascinating how all these issues just blend together in one massive, connected swirl?

The truth is, we can never really respect ourselves unless we show the courage and the willingness to take full responsibility for what belongs to us, which the other person did not place there! Once the old hurts are neutralized (in addition to all the new ones we've tacked on over the years) and each person has shown the courage to own their part in the poisoned well, much healing is possible.

If you've ever been forgiven for your "falls from grace" in life, you know how powerful a healing experience it is. Much as resentments are poison to a relationship, ownership and mutual forgiveness are its salvation.

INFIDELITY

Talk about a killer of trust and commitment . . . here is the number one offender. My view on this deadly behavior is that this activity occurs as a result of the breakdown of the relationship, rather than being the cause of the breakdown. Do not mistake this as any kind of condoning of this behavior on my part. No way. I simply want to point out that people who are content and fulfilled within the marriage, virtually never look outside of it to fill themselves up. Affairs are often used as a way to lick one's wounds, to escape from the difficulties of the current relationship, to abandon the responsibility we have to work on the troubles in our relationships straight-up, rather than behind closed and secretive doors with someone else. Sorry folks, it doesn't work that way.

If your connection to your partner is missing big pieces, start by looking at what you are bringing to the party. If you're empty and unfulfilled in your relationship, perhaps it's because you are not offering all you could be to it! Looking for comfort elsewhere simply adds more pain and suffering to what was already present. If you are the one who strayed, you have the responsibility for failing to courageously face the part you played in the unsatisfying elements of your relationship. If your own relationship was where you put your energy (rather than with someone else) then your own relationship would have gotten the benefit of your growth, rather than the pain of your broken vows.

Relationships can heal from this most devastating of betrayals, but full responsibility, remorse and true commitment to self-development must be the foundation for the healing. You must be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust that's been lost. Nothing less will do. Many do not have the courage or character to take this on. If you do, you have the chance to create an even deeper, more meaningful relationship . . . "What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”.

UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS

One of the saddest set-ups in relationships is entering into them with all kinds of expectations and then over the years, feeling disappointed again and again that they have not been met. Part of this issue relates to the childhood baggage I mentioned before. We often have preconceived expectations of what marriage and relationships are supposed to be like.

This can be derived from many different sources, not the least of which is the marriage and relationship of our parents. That's the one we lived and breathed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That kind of exposure gets absorbed, some on a conscious level, some on an unconscious one.

The biggest problem with expectations in general is that we may know what our expectations are, but it unlikely that our partner does! Even more insidious and frustrating is when we have these expectations and even we can't name them, yet we expect our partner to fulfill them. There is one additional problem . . . contrary to popular opinion, it is not the other person's responsibility to fulfill you expectations. It is your job to learn to fill yourself up and then offer all you can to the relationship.

The majority of couples I've worked with have entered into their relationships with their focus on what the other person had to offer . . . not on what they were bringing to the party. Again, we are often quite unaware that this is our mindset.

We must be willing to look closely and honestly at ourselves to see if these are truths about us. Not everyone is willing to do this. To truly understand what you are seeing in another, you must first hold up a mirror and understand what you are seeing there.

Just a piece of advice:

As Socrates once said, 'by all means marry. If you get a good wife you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher'. A bad marriage is not what one expects while planning a wedding. But there are ways of dealing with marital problems like emotional and physical abuse, lack of sex and disloyalty. Deal with issues upfront, instead of burying them in deepest trenches of your heart.

This post is for everyone; my ideas, thoughts and experiences that I do share on this blog aim to somehow lend a hand to make someone out there feel better and be able to reach out to those who are in dilemma or in confusion. If you need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to count me in. I may not help you exactly what you want to; but I can perfectly a good listener and stress reliever. I am just an e-mail away. =) See you!

♥♥♥ Myraine ♥♥♥

The He and The She of a Marriage

A Must-Know for the Husbands: A Pro-Wife Blog Post (I guess, I’m a Wife after all.)

Appreciation In Married Life
One of the greatest sources of discord in the early days of marriage is associated with lack of what the wife calls "appreciation" in the husband. The average man is a busy person with his share of life's responsibilities and demands upon his time. If he has married the girl he loves and is not of the analytical and hypercritical type, he is generally perfectly satisfied with his life-partner.

Perhaps he omits to tell her so at regular periodic intervals, as if he meant it, and it takes a very clever woman to be satisfied with quiet appreciation without demanding verbal expression of her husband's feelings. Most wives, especially most young wives, delude themselves with the idea that it is the man who talks most about his affection who is the most desirable husband.

The Secret of Married Happiness
They want what they call "appreciation," and the man who gives this to his wife easily, gracefully, and in abundance is wise (and probably admired and dreamed of) in his generation. The converse is also true. It is the appreciative wife who keeps her husband's affection when her hair is turning gray and her figure has lost for all time its girlish outline. It is the wife who can judiciously convey the impression that she appreciates a husband's best qualities who brings out the best in a man.

In one sense, appreciation is the secret of married happiness, because behind this quality lies an immense amount of tact, understanding, and unselfishness. There is no doubt that human nature tends to depreciate what it has already gained, to get accustomed to the possession of what has at one time seemed ideal.

The greatest joy of the newly engaged girl lies in the fact that she is keenly, enthusiastically, and sensitively "appreciated." The man who is honestly in love discerns qualities in a girl which the rest of the World may not perceive, but which are there all the same.

The Divine Spark
Deep down in every one of us there are possibilities, latent qualities for great deeds and high thoughts of which the world has no conception. Love sometimes brings them out, and the commonplace man displays unexpected capacity in consequence. In the same way, the woman who is capable of an absorbing and unselfish love has the best in her brought out at that time.

The divine spark that is in everyone burns brightly for the time being at least. She receives for the first time appreciation from the one person in the world who counts. This appreciation is like a stimulant, an incentive. Alas! so long as human nature is what it is, it does not endure, and if a woman's sense of humor and understanding fails at this juncture, disillusionment will probably result.

It is the wife who is exacting when the ardent lover emerges into the everyday man, who nags her husband into ill-humor. The woman who has a sense of perspective knows only too well that the first ecstasy and ardor of love inevitably settles down into everyday affection, comradeship, and domestic love.

By useless brooding and resentment over the inevitable, discord will arise, and the barque of matrimony will sail into troubled seas. Tact and unselfishness are the only qualities which will steer it safely beyond the rocks, and these include the quality of appreciation.

The Power of Appreciation
The wise wife cultivates the power of appreciating the good qualities her husband possesses and lets him realize that she does. It is the weak woman who nags a man when the first ecstasy of love begins to subside into quiet acceptance and renewed interest in work and everyday affairs.

At the same time, the Woman who has studied the art of appreciation can do almost anything she likes with her life-partner. If he is punctual, orderly, and reliable, she will cultivate the same qualities, and thus save the inevitable jars that the unpunctual woman prepares for herself when she is invariably five minutes too late. She will not ask the impossible from him, and will see that the busy man absorbed in working for her cannot be expected to remember to tell her that his affection is unchanged perhaps three times a day. he man who is apparently not affectionate by nature may hide a capacity for strong love under his silence and undemonstrativeness.

There are men, and these are not invariably the best of their sex, who have the art of pleasing women in little things. Small courtesies, little kindnesses, and thoughtfulness may mean much to the woman who has no absorbing interest to take up her thoughts. She will forgive a great deal in the husband who remembers to inquire for her headache, who plans a treat for Saturday, and brings an occasional bunch of white roses home in the evening.

But there are many types of men, and the wife who has married the undemonstrative type is only making unhappiness in the home when she expects him to display the qualities which are not part of his nature. He may have far deeper and better traits. He may be more faithful, more trustworthy, although he is not naturally sympathetic in trifles and incapable of realizing a woman's point of view.

The great need of most women's lives is affection, and the husband who can give the wife the small tokens of affection, the signs of appreciation, makes life's journey smoother for himself in consequence.

Flattery is not Appreciation
Everybody loves appreciation. Those who realize this fact can get almost anything out of people that they wish. Appreciation is not flattery, which is a less powerful weapon because it is insincere and false in so many instances. Appreciation simply means the power of realizing the good, the kindness, the ability, and capacity in others.

We all know that we work far more for those who appreciate what we do for them. Appreciation brings out better service, finer work from the individual who gets it. Tempered with judicious criticism, it is the most educative factor in daily life. The wife who knows how to appreciate the good qualities can afford gently to criticize and point out where there is room for improvement.

But appreciation requires verbal expression in most instances. The majority of husbands know very well that their wives are unselfish and thoughtful on their behalf. Most wives realize that the average husband is a good-hearted, hard-working individual, anxious to do his best for his wife and their family.

Married Happiness
The woman who wishes to be happy must never allow selfish, depressing thoughts to absorb her. She must cultivate the power of appreciating the good qualities of other people and especially of her nearest and dearest. Petty criticism and resentment of qualities she dislikes brings out not the best but the worst in the husband. In this world we get what we give. If we give kindness and appreciation to others, they somehow come back to us. Particularly, this is also true in married life.

The wise women, the clever women especially, if they have a sense of humor, make the best of their husbands and their marriage. They realize that a little disillusionment comes to every one of us, and that very often it is due to some fault in ourselves. Too many women let themselves drift into a morass of discontent and disappointment simply because they do not appreciate the great amount of good that is in their lives and turn it to account.

Every woman can be happy if she likes, especially if she has a husband and child to work and think for. Happiness, like all the other good things of this life, has to be cultivated and earned. Mutual appreciation is an important factor, and if husbands also would realize what an enormous difference to the happiness of the wife appreciation and small attentions make, a condition of affairs somewhat approaching the ideal would result.

After the first mysterious glamor has worn off, marriage must inevitably descend from the realms of glorified idealism to those of prosaic common-sense; it is merely a change of state. That change of state, however, for always may remain ideal, as ideal as it was when first contracted, but it will not do so if left unaided.
Mankind is frail and mortal, fretful and petty, and these, his characteristic traits, are the bitterest foes of married happiness. But the gift of mutual appreciation is a force - perhaps it is the only force - strong enough to grapple with and overcome these enemies.

Acknowledgment: Chest of Books Dot Com 

Mai: Yes, daddy! I know you perfectly love me. But I still need to hear it sometimes. Let us talk about "us" - reminiscing happy and sweet moments, rekindling wedding vows. I love you.
Though I am so thankful that we're taking it one step at a time - thanks for that sweet date last Wednesday. It's a good start, I should know. =)

♥♥♥ Mommy Mai ♥♥♥

A Love Story That Made Us Shed a Tear

AN ADAPTATION… Thanks to Mr. Ramon E. Mendoza.

I intend to share this very inspiring story that has made me as well as a bunch of my closest friends cry. And I do hope you can also pass it on… Share this story online, post in your Facebook walls and in your FB notes. And I am telling you, it’s worth every tag. =)

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. 

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

♥♥♥ Myraine ♥♥♥

The Ideal Wife

It is never easy to be a wife. It is never an easy task as others may think it is. And I strongly believe that every wife just like me wants the husband to be happy not just every time they are together but for the entire marital relationship… for a lifetime.

Since I really love reading for several reasons most of the time, for personal and professional growth, I have read a write-up on what a man looks and expects his woman to be. Upon discernment, I have decided to share it to all the wives around the globe.

• She ought to have a warm loving nature – delighted in sharing with him all reasonable pleasures.


• She has to be in good health – be able to encourage him to also maintain a healthy body, mind and lifestyle.


• She has to give him the freedom from possessiveness. Men say that the excessively possessive heart tends to be quite selfish, jealous and doubtful. Thus, it attributes deprivation from the joys, happiness and fulfillments of the lifetime commitment.


• She has the interests in making a real home. Her power to make a house a home reigned by love, respect, trust and understanding.


• She is a certified effective and efficient manager and budget officer.


• She must never be a nagger. She may always share her thoughts and insights; yet, this must never be done in such a harsh, rough and tough manner. Remember that nagging irritates the husband.


• She has a set of twins: understanding and kindness for peace and harmony in the home atmosphere.


• She feeds his husband’s ego. Learn to appreciate and love his actions and words. Sometimes, it is never harmful to make him feel superior and special.


• She possesses physical attractiveness, faithfulness and spiritual strength. They simply complete a woman’s image – strong yet vibrant, bubbly and sophisticated.

Yet, do not live to these points alone. Remember that you should still be the real you and you’ve got to be true to yourself, too. You should also consider doing things to make you happy and never do things for him alone or not just to satisfy him. You must always do things for both of you as well as your and your husband’s happiness.

And husbands, you’ve got to do your part, too.

Myraine

What my aunt has to say…

I remember how my aunt emphasized her tips to a better marriage during our big day, our wedding day. When it was her time to talk and share advices based from her own experiences, she told us that it is through an open and honest communication we can achieve a successful, fun-filled, satisfying and harmonious marital relationship. Here are some her points on a happy marriage:

• Communicate. Talk and listen. (Sometimes, listening is far more effective than talking.)
• Never make money an issue. Whatever he owns is mine and whatever I own is his. Everything becomes a conjugal property or belongings. (However, it is never bad to save on your own or have money with you.)
• Be intimate and affectionate. This should never be taken for granted as this gives spice and keeps bonds or ties stronger and tighter.
• Let go of petty quarrels. Arguing is not bad at all; however, having much may hurt the other or both of you and may even put the marriage at risk.
• Enjoy doing things together. Whatever the activity is, what matters is you both have good quality time together. Date and enjoy your time together.

Getting married for a year, ten months, a week and two days, I must say that these tips really helped us out. However, no matter how hard we try, still, there are some inevitable circumstances, which go between us. Though, I believe that these also make our love stronger.

I have learned a lot from our marriage. Each experience and moment I had with my hubby has always been special. Whether is has been good or not-so, I am happy that we were able to take something from it.

To all hubbies and wives out there, keep the love burning.






Myraine